Monday, September 7, 2009

Here They Come... Labor Day 2009

Restaurant Rage

This post is in no way meant to insult cows. They are a beautiful and majestic creature. The bovine was used as a descriptive device, used to establish an imagery.

Labor Day 2009 is upon us. I can hear them coming now like a stampede of cattle. The loud clanks and hollow dongs of an army of cowbells. A large clumsy group, just wandering toward the restaurant. If I could buy every proverbial cattle guard in the world with my hard earned tips... I WOULD.

All truth be told, I should getting me rest right now at 12:43 AM. Tomorrow (Yeah, yeah, today if you want to be technical) is going to most likely be a very long and annoying day. Hungry, impatient, and unreasonable groups slumber as I write this. Their stomachs growing more and more empty with every passing moment. There is only but one cure for what ails them, with I as the would be doctor who must deliver the medicine.

Regretfully, I have chosen one of the only professions in America that does not recognize holidays. So, while all my friends and family are off on long weekends (weekends? what are those?), some camping and enjoying the great outdoors; I will be waiting on tables of tourists. Let's all anticipate together what is in store for the 2009 Labor Day:

  • I am almost positive that some group of 15 or so will roll in. Ask the host for a table and be utterly shocked that they will have to wait a half an hour on a holiday for a big top. The leader will look around the busy restaurant, but still not get it, then look back at the host and ask with a bewildered look on his face "30 minutes? Are you serious?"
  • I am going to get some table with like three or four, 14 year old males, who all wait until I am in the weeds to order their Pepsi's. Guaranteed they have them all slurped down and wanting refills before I leave the table.
  • The whole kitchen will be hungover and on pins & needles due to the crowds. I will have to hear about every modified order and mess up.
  • I will have some "Safe Sally" (person who doesn't stray away from their regular menu item), ask about something they have never had. I will explain it to them. They will hesitate. Their significant other will tell them to order their "usual," they won't... they chance it on the new item. I will bring it out, one bite will be taken... and they won't like it.
  • I will witness a bigger baby stroller than I ever imagined possible... they will want to leave their kid in it, the host will seat them at a table where the stroller ends up right in the walkway.
  • Some jackass will decide he is going to stand right by the brass bar at the end of the bar, where we pick up our drink order. We will ask him over 42 times to move, when he finally does, it will be 3 inches.

The Earth beneath my feet is a rumbling. I can see a giant dust cloud on the horizon. A distance "moo" just sounded. I better head to bed.